notebook pg 17; on oversharing
awkward conversations and trauma dumping - a dangerously easy thing to do
I recently discovered a podcast called “The Psychology of our 20’s” by Jemma Sbeg. I stumbled upon this podcast, and the topics are just incredible. On one of her episodes, she talks about oversharing and trauma dumping - why we do it, and what their consequences can be.
Her episode on oversharing really spoke to me, I highly encourage you all to listen to it!
This topic really hit home - it’s something I am self conscious about, something that I do, and something that for some reason, I can’t seem to control in the moment.
Oversharing and trauma dumping is especially present on social media. It is also something that I see on substack. It feels good in the moment to just let go and transform our emotions or traumas into writing or poetry - a great form of self expression by the way, however, it might not be the best thing to do in a public sense.
part i
what is oversharing?
As it states in the word - sharing too much. In this context, it is telling too much personal information about yourself to someone. Often times, with people/someone you kind of know, or know nothing about at all.
now.. why?
Familiarity is something humans crave. We are social creatures who seek deep, meaningful connections. People want to be understood and loved. A friendship can take time to build, and in the process of making a friend, we can tell some personal information of ourselves so that the other person can understand us a bit better. This creates familiarity and closeness. Knowing this, sometimes we want a friendship to speed up - so we overshare or trauma dump.
why not?
It can give you, in the moment, a feeling of satisfaction. However, the person who you are talking to might not really want to deal with this type of information that you are giving them, and it might make them feel uncomfortable. Also, you will most likely feel really awkward afterwards, and end up regretting what you told them. It really isn’t a win-win!
part ii
I unfortunately am a victim of this. I think a lot of us are. A lot of us have already overshared and have had someone overshare to us. And in most cases, it just doesn’t feel amazing afterwards. There are a lot of factors to oversharing though, like unresolved acceptance of our traumas, or environmental factors (like alcohol).
Oversharing is present on the internet as it has ever been. We often forget that digital footprints exist. That what we share on the internet is.. well.. there forever. It’s important to be mindful of what we share, and think for a minute or two .. is this what I really want people to know about me? Am I really comfortable with this information being on the internet forever? Maybe even accessible with the click of a button anywhere, anytime?
This isn’t here to shame anybody though. Sometimes, it just.. happens. And it sucks afterwards because we can feel really embarrassed.
Here are some tips (things that have helped me personally!):
i - Journal in your notebook. Writing it down (not on substack or instagram), can alleviate the need to just dump everything on someone. Most times, we just really want to talk to people, and when the conversation seems as if its going nowhere, or if there are quiet pauses, your brain cues you to talk about yourself, or problems that you have that you think the person in front of you can relate to.
ii - Talk to a close friend before you hangout with a group of people. You can try venting to this person that you trust, and that trusts you too. Same reasoning to the tip before this one - it helps to let it all out.
iii - Slow down on the drinks. If you plan on drinking alcohol when you go out, maybe stick to one or two drinks. We all know what alcohol can do to us.
iv - Before you go to share your entire lifes’ problems on the internet, maybe show it to a friend that you trust first, or sit on it. Maybe it’s impulse. Wait a couple hours, maybe a day or two and see if you really want to release that article that talks about incredibly personal things that happen to you.
Oversharing might not always be bad, it just depends on the context
If what you are sharing is educational, or you are trying to teach a lesson, sometimes, personal information may be key. It just really depends how much you are sharing, and how you are sharing it. Proof read! Read it again and again. Are some things actually necessary to share? Is it proving your point? And if it is, is that something you would be comfortable putting out there?
Oversharing is an impulsive act. It just happens to come out, or we keep writing and writing as if the internet is a vent dump place. People can use your personal information against you (digital footprint), and a lot of the times.. that’s the first impression people have on you.
Cliché, I know, but it’s okay to not be okay. And talking about it is really important. It just might be better to talk about it to your therapist, or your best friend, rather than using your own issues to create a bong with somebody.
It puts the both of you in an icky situation.
thank you for reading!
xoxo,
alia